Dancing Queen returns

18 Dec 2008 Leave a Comment

by crazysoccermom in Trip to Israel Tags: airplane, comedy, flight, flight delay, Israel, plane, suitcase, travel, trip, vacation

We arrived at the airport and grabbed our luggage off the bus. We said our good-byes to Jacob and made our way to security. We were all standing in line waiting to be cross-examined by the airport personnel when I noticed that the security guards were almost all young girls. They didn’t look too scary to me, so I breathed a sigh of relief. An American soldier in line near me said that everyone calls them “Brittany Spears and her posse.” I wouldn’t be intimidated by Brittany.

As we reached the front of the line, we were all asked a few questions about where we had been, and why we were here, etc, etc, then we had to have our suitcases examined with a fine tooth comb. A young guy x-rayed my suitcase and asked me why I had a bunch of cookies. Cookies? I didn’t remember packing cookies. He instructed me to open my suitcase and I realized that he was seeing all the bars of soap I had bought at the Dead Sea. We both had a good laugh, and then I was on my way.

I stopped to exchange my shekels back to dollars – saving a few for my kids, then before we knew it, we were boarding the plane. Luckily the plane was only about half full, so we all had room to stretch out and find a comfy seat. I slept for about two hours, but I woke up thinking I was riding in a truck going down a Louisiana road. The turbulence continued off and on for the duration of the flight. I watched the virtual map for a while but when the countdown to landing was going up instead of down due to a headwind, I stopped watching. I played Bejeweled and Zuma for a few hours, then watched a couple movies.

I decided to watch Mama Mia which is a musical, and I got really into the movie and was afraid I might start singing along. I’m sure I might have turned a few heads though if in the middle of the night (at least I think it was night) on a darkened plane I started singing out “Dancing Queen!” I tried to restrain myself.

At one point, I got up and went to the back of the plane to ask for a cup of tea, and I seemed to have interrupted a cat fight. Two of the flight attendants who were, shall we say, somewhat flamboyant, were getting into it. One of them started meowing – yes, meowing in the other one’s face. I was about to roll on the floor laughing. I thought about breaking into a rendition of Dancing Queen to break the tension. The entertainment made the 14 hour trip almost bearable.

After a breakfast of what they said was eggs, but I’m not so sure, we finally landed in Atlanta. I was thankful that it wasn’t snowing here like we had feared and hoped for a pleasant second leg of our trip home. I easily breezed through customs and waited on the others from our group to join me at our gate. The braniac customs people decided to pick on Aunt Ginger, the oldest, least threatening, blond American woman of our group. And of course Chase got the third degree – again. He was brutally cross-examined on every leg of our trip. They even asked him for his passport while we were still in the parking lot of the airport! I guess they couldn’t quite figure out his nationality or something.

We settled in to await our final flight in about two hours and we quickly noticed that flight after flight was being delayed. There was a massive snow storm crossing the whole North American continent and the incoming flights from all over were being delayed, which in turn caused the outgoing flights to be delayed. Sure enough, our flight departure time kept being pushed back in 15 minute increments every few minutes. At this point we were all getting extremely grumpy and restless and homesick.

I found a bit of bliss when I turned on my blackberry and got a signal! I had suffered 11 days without my crackberry and I was definitely having withdrawals! I text messaged my daughter before she left for school and getting that little “ily moma” back was well worth the wait (translation: I love you). I then called my husband and woke him up, but I just couldn’t wait to hear his voice! Communicating via email is okay, but actually hearing his raspy morning voice was music to my ears. I couldn’t wait for that plane to take off!

Finally, hours later, after savoring a hot dog and some sweet tea, we were able to board the plane. I found my seat on the tiny, cramped commuter plane and listened as the flight attendant began her speech. She said “Welcome to flight….something or other….headed to…..ah, somewhere in Louisiana.” We were all already incoherent with fatigue and this just sent us off the deep end. We were all laughing so hard we were crying.

She continued her instruction about seatbelts and cabin pressure and then said, “if we lose cabin pressure, after you finish screaming, please put on the oxygen mask from above your seat.” This was followed by “If you need anything you can push the call button above you, but it doesn’t work.” I didn’t know whether to keep laughing or try to get off that plane! I really wanted to go home, so I decided to test my luck. I had to ask her though, “is there anything that doesn’t work?” She responded “only the landing gear.” She was joking….I think.

As we took off, Mr. Phil was behind me joking “We fixin’ to crash!” and all I could do was pray….and laugh some more. I think I might have made some outrageous promises to God at that point that I may have trouble keeping. The flight was smooth and painless and before I knew it we were touching down on Louisiana soil (err, asphalt). I let out a cheer and a big sigh. I was so relieved to be home, that I let go of some tension that I didn’t even realize I was holding onto.

I had had an amazing experience and a life altering journey, but I couldn’t get off that plane fast enough. I grabbed my bags and ran into the airport looking for my husband. When I saw his smile I just melted into his arms and said “take me home!”